Full Circle

Falling off the wagon is easy. Getting back on it? Not quite.

Where to begin?  Maybe with how it all ended...

I was constantly hungry, despite eating 5-6 meals a day. I was a jerk - my testosterone was heightened from lifting weights twice a day...  I wasn't eating meals with my wife and kids anymore... I was spending most of my nights locked away, working out, or doing meal planning.

I was absentee without meaning to be, which caused the fam to get all bent out of shape, too. And, at the end of it  all, I did not fundamentally address the issues that I have with food, and the issues that those issues stem from.

This time, I started from a place where I look at food differently, with the understanding that this will take time and a reprogramming effort on my part.  I'm trying to establish more of a balance between my goals and my family - even if I can't sit at the table with them always, I can be more present in their lives when I'm home.  I workout more intensely for shorter periods, and on a more set schedule. I don't lock myself away in a room with free weights and a treadmill - they come and interact with me without fear of me biting their heads off.

It's too early to tell how it's going though. My energy is up; I'm sleeping better. I can feel my muscles, despite them being buried deep in body fat. My scale won't even weigh me - I estimate my starting weight in excess of 330 lbs again (bathroom scale won't read that high), which means that every single bit of my progress has been erased. I know that I've already begun dropping weight, but I made a promise to myself not to even think about stepping on a scale again until at least 3 months in.

So here's to losing your way, then finding your way back. May 11th can't come soon enough.