Brain Dump, Testing Limits, & Copy-Cat Recipe FTW

Last night I began the planned expansion of my weight training routine. I trained shoulders, then biceps; tonight I'll likely do back, chest, and triceps. More sets, more intensity, more focus on individual muscles than the large muscle group training I'd employed last week to get myself back in the groove. I toyed with the idea of delaying this for another week or so, but my body seemed ready.

Tomorrow night will be legs, then the cycle will repeat. I guess I'll see if I'm really up for it in two days time...

______________________________________________________________

My body felt good today; the back soreness has mostly subsided, and my knees and ankles felt less tender during this morning's cardio session. Whether it was the yoga or the ibuprofen, or maybe the better-than-average sleep - I don't know; I do know that I'm thankful for the blessing, and I hope that it continues.

______________________________________________________________

A few months ago while ordering Applebee's take-away for dinner, my wife ordered a quesadilla burger. As is customary, she let me have a bite, and it was amazing.

During a more recent order, I got one of my own. I was decidedly less impressed; the same care and attention to detail didn't seem to have been put into it this time. It was bland, messy, and cold by the time we got home with our food.

The memory of that first bite lingered long after. I've eaten a lot of food in my time - cuisine types from all over, and more varieties of hamburger than the average person. That initial impression was one of the stronger food memories that I've had form in quite some time.

That led me to doing a bit of study today in the leadup to making my lunch; the result was a pretty awesome copy-cat version that's a lot more nutritious and - dare I say - 100% tastier, if I do say so myself.

______________________________________________________________

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: 418 calories | 32g fat | 24g protein | 8g carbs

3 egg cheese and bacon omelet: 445 calories | 24g protein | 36.5g fat | 8.5g carbs

 - Eggs (x3): 210 calories | 15g fat | 18g protein

 - Cheese (1/2 oz): 55 calories | 4.5g fat | 3g protein | .5g carbs

 - Bacon Bits (1 tbs): 25 calories | 3g protein | 1.5g fat

 - Butter (1 tbs): 100 calories | 11g fat

1/2 Granny Smith Apple: 28 calories | 7.5g carbs

______________________________________________________________

Lunch: 477 calories | 26g fat | 36.5g protein | 11g carbs

Quesadilla Burger: 477 calories | 26g fat | 36.5g protein | 11g carbs

 - Ground Beef (6oz): 263 calories | 8g fat | 25.5g protein

 - Flatbread (1/2 sheet): 60 calories | 1.5g fat | 6g protein | 8g carbs

 - Mozzarella Cheese (1/2 oz): 40 calories | 3g fat | 3.5g protein

 - Shredded Cabbage (1 leaf): 6 calories | .3g protein | 1.3g carbs

 - Diced Tomato (1/8 cup ): 4 calories | 1g carbs

 - Mexi-Ranch (1 tsp): 4 calories | .5g carbs

 - Butter (1 tbs): 100 calories | 11g fat 

______________________________________________________________

Dinner: 740 calories | 51g fat | 43g protein | 37g carbs

Green Goddess Salad (Panera Bread): 740 calories | 51g fat | 43g protein | 37g carbs

 - Salad: 500 calories | 30g fat | 37g protein | 25g carbs

 - Dressing: 240 calories | 21g fat | 6g protein | 12g carbs

______________________________________________________________

Daily Totals: 1,635 calories | 109g fat | 103.5g protein | 56g carbs

Tracking In the Right Direction

Once again, I opened my ears and asked the Universe a question; the answer was a softly spoken 'CICO'.

Calories in, calories out. One week of re-calibrating the systems was in the books - it was time to get down to the brass tacks of this whole endeavor. The one thing that - without being in check - could potentially negate most everything else.

Everyone's got an opinion, but it's basic science, and it's indisputable; if you burn more than you consume, you'll be at a calorie deficit, which means you're going to lose weight. Any nutrition plan that actually works is, at it's core, based on this very basic principle.

That doesn't mean you should eat whatever you want and only focus on calories, but even just doing that is an effective means to drop pounds. Not that I'm a shining example of balance - carb depletion diets aren't, in my view, the best for long-term health. But I'm in what I see as a state of emergency... I've got to get some weight off, then I'll once again re-calibrate to something a bit more wholistic and less eliminatory.

Anyway, here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: 473 calories | 36.5g fat | 27g protein | 8.5g carbs

3 egg cheese and bacon omelet: 445 calories | 27g protein | 36.5g fat | 8.5g carbs

 - Eggs (x3): 210 calories | 15g fat | 18g protein

 - Cheese (1oz): 110 calories | 9g fat | 6g protein | 1g carbs

 - Bacon Bits (1tbs): 25 calories | 3g protein | 1.5g fat

 - Butter (1tbs): 100 calories | 11g fat

1/2 Granny Smith Apple: 28 calories | 7.5g carbs

______________________________________________________________

Lunch: 439 calories | 35g fat | 25g protein | 6g carbs

1 bowl Bigos (Hunter's Stew): 439 calories | 35g fat | 25g protein | 6g carbs

______________________________________________________________

Dinner: 678 calories | 43.5g fat | 66g protein | 14g carbs

French Onion Beef Wrap: 598 calories | 38g fat | 59.5g protein | 14g carbs

 - Ground Beef (8oz): 448 calories | 32g fat | 38g protein

 - French Onion Soup (1/2 cup): 50 calories | 1.5g fat | 2g protein | 6g carbs

 - Flatbread (1/2 sheet): 60 calories | 1.5g fat | 6g protein | 8g carbs

 - Mozzarella Cheese (1/2 oz): 40 calories | 3g fat | 3.5g protein

1/2 oz Cheese Crisps: 80 calories | 5.5g fat | 6.5g protein

______________________________________________________________

Daily Totals: 1,590 calories | 115g fat | 118g protein | 28.5g carbs

Aches & Pains

Solid weekend as far as exercise, nutrition, and mobility work goes.

I've increased the intensity of my cardio sessions gradually, but probably still a bit too quickly. I tweaked my back, my knees are tender, and I've got a sore ankle.

So far, everything's manageable. It's a challenge, but I'm not compromising until my body forces me to.

I had takeout twice Sunday; a Mediterranean salad with balsamic dressing and grilled chicken skewers for lunch, and a 6oz sirloin + quarter rack of ribs, sautéed mushrooms and a side salad for dinner. Definitely more calories than was ideal, but also extremely low carbs.

That's about as much of a splurge as I've had, and it still wasn't bad as I'm still within my allowable calories for the day. If I can limit those excursions to no more than once a week, then I'll be fine.

I'm off work Monday; second-to-last day to burn of my PTO for fiscal year 2021. Going to probably go a bit low calorie-wise to make up for Sunday, but I'll also be trying to get some active recovery time in around my dual cardio and nightly weightlifting sessions.

Time for ibuprofen, a shower, and some zzzzzzzs. 

Two-a-days & Changing Times

Feeling decidedly in the groove now, I'm ramping things up further by adding in a second cardio session. Starting now, I'll be breaking a sweat each morning and each night to bookend my days.

In the past, I'd have logged a ton of miles on the pavement to get the bulk of my calorie burning in, but I'm trying something a bit unconventional, at least for now; old-school aerobics and H.I.I.T. training. I've done both before, but not as the center of a cardio program, nor with any regularity.

We'll see how it goes. It's actually a nice change-up; keeps me out of the damp, cold winter weather, and it's easier on my feet, knees, and hips (so far). I follow it up with a 20-30 minute circuit-based weight training session, then some ab work, and finish with some deep stretching.

Next week I'll expand my weight training to include more movements, higher intensity, and heavier weights. Hoping to carry the momentum from this week forward.

It feels like nap time... I think I'm going to get a quick one in while I can.

Ramping Up

Day 3 of weight training again. It's crazy how easy it was to pick things back up, pun intended.

Everything's been going really well. 3 meals a day, keeping my daily carbs reasonably low (40-70 grams), getting in lots of protein and fat, and lots of water. Not eating bread is such a challenge. Pasta and rice have been easier to pass on. Oatmeal is another one that I'm missing dearly.

I hand patted and broiled a burger for lunch today. Not putting it on a bun was a real mind job; nothing I haven't done before, but in that moment I struggled. I plated it with some melted cheddar, sliced onions, tomato, a few big romaine leaves, avocado, and a horseradish sauce. It was pretty amazing, but it would have absolutely been better on a buttery bun.

It wouldn't have been worth getting off track for, though.

I've let myself get so far away from where I used to be physically. To get where I want to be, I can't compromise on any of the steps to get me back there. It's going to be really hard, and it's going to take time - possibly a long, long time.

The more consistent I am, and the more honest with myself that I can be, the sooner I can get there.

Small Beginnings

I got up early and did around a half hour of yoga. Later, during my morning break from work, I took a short walk.

Tonight I've every intention of getting in a bit of weight training.

I did quite a bit of grocery shopping at a local place yesterday; I didn't travel too far because it had snowed the night before and the roads were a bit dicey (and in some places icy). I got a lot of fresh meat and produce, and for some reason was inspired to get tons of different varieties of canned beans. We already had tons of beans in our 'panic pantry', and we've got tons of dried beans. But I'm dreaming of bean salads and marinated bean dishes in the near future, so I'm sure they'll all get used at some point.

Breakfast was 1 pork sausage patty, 3 scrambled eggs, and half a granny smith apple. I seriously considered avocado toast, but I'm saying no to bread. I even passed up getting a bag of the nice whole grain stuff just to help maintain my discipline while avoiding temptation.

Lunch was a romaine salad with cucumber, tomato, onion, black olives, shredded carrot, boiled egg, bacon pieces, blue cheese crumbles, a can of tuna, and a creamy dressing with whole grain mustard, smashed garlic, and some smoked paprika. I was feeling chefy - it worked out.

I'm having dinner as I type this - cast iron seared NY Strip, pan-roasted baby portobello mushrooms, and some sautéed broccoli with a squeeze of lemon.

Today was easier... So far. We'll see how things go later.

All Day I Think About Eating

 2 days down.

Wow, this is hard.

I had around 70 total carbs on Saturday, and around 45 Sunday. It's 1:24 am Monday morning. I've got work in the morning after being on vacation for almost 2 weeks.

I haven't started back exercising - getting a bit of stretching in, trying to get up and move more, but nothing strenuous. Maybe tomorrow, depending on my mental state.

I have to do grocery shopping. I've got a list, and some ideas. But I know I'll be hungry when I have the chance to break away to do it, and that's a bit concerning.

I know the cravings will subside, and things will start to regulate sooner rather than later. Weights and cardio will also help get me back in the grove.

But damn. I'm in a real fight this time, folks.

New Years Day 2022

I listened to the Universe, and the Universe said 'low carb; just for a while to kickstart things before you dive deeper'.

The Universe knows me; overthinking is kryptonite.

Cheese eggs, 1 sausage patty, 1 whole apple for me. Lots of water. Trying to find my center again.

French toast w. fresh made blueberry syrup, topped with powdered sugar for the fam. They're puzzled by my plate, as I haven't explained anything. There is no need - this has not even begun properly, and I believe in the power of the jinx.

Minute by minute, hour by hour. Day by day, till I reclaim my power.

Time

As the days arrive and pass on into oblivion, as events unfold, as time continues it's steady, inevitable and unending march via our perception of it.

I challenge you to become endless.

Wide Awake and Dreaming

One of the easiest things for me to do is to visualize what I want.

One of the hardest things for me to do is to commit past the point of initially reaching my goals.

Managing your energy - with respect to how you allot time, attention, and effort - is the real secret to finding success at any endeavor that you may choose to undertake. And it's also important to divert at least a portion of that energy outward, to inspire and help those around you who may benefit from it.

Having said all that, you should also be wary of vampires, who'll siphon more of that energy from you than is healthy for your life to remain in balance.

Be wary of traps - laid by you yourself, as well as by those around you. These traps are meant to bind you, to maim you, and to impede you.

The past 6 weeks have seen me deal with all of the above, and then some. It's been hard on me.

But I'm still standing, still fighting to reach my goals.

My dreams are intact, as is my progress.

Onward.

And I break at the bend

August has been a challenging month. I've spent much of it in maintenance mode, with slightly lower activity levels and less hardcore adherence to dieting. It's been good for me health-wise, and I've still managed to improve my fitness level - even if the progress is somewhat marginal when compared to the previous months.

I've finally relented to my wife's request that I replace my now ill-fitting wardrobe. Goodbye 48 waisted pants, hello 36s as of this weekend. Shirts will be getting replaced in the coming weeks, I suppose... Well, most of them, anyway.

I was under the weather to end last week, and missed 3 days of workouts for the first time since I began this all in February. Truth be told, I probably shouldn't have run Friday - it felt like it set my recovery from whatever I had back at least a couple days. Running again this morning and keeping up the pace as though I hadn't missed a beat was fantastic, and reaffirms that slacking off a bit this month is better for my long-term health and fitness goals than if I'd burned myself out trying to push through, knowing I needed to recharge.

Next week I'll begin a new weightlifting routine. I'm excited, but I'll miss my current program at the same time.  One thing that I can say about this month though is that I've probably had the best musculature gains of any so far this year.  While I attribute a lot of it to the workouts of the past 4 weeks, the extra calories and relaxed cardio program definitely played their parts, too.

I'm really ready for the fall weather to arrive... Assuming that it does, that is.

Changing Seasons

For around 3 week now, I've been coasting.

For 5 1/2 months prior, my foot was on the gas and the pedal was floored. But for a multitude of reasons, towards the end of July, I made the executive decision to chill out for a while.

Alcohol. White bread. White rice. Lots of takeout. Lots less exercise.

I didn't get out of shape. My life didn't fall apart. I lived a little, as the saying goes.

It was needed, so I did it.

But sometime last night, in the middle of a dream, that old, familiar voice spoke up very clearly, and told me that it was time.

So this morning I got up, food prepped today's meals (around 1100 calories), ran a mile and a half, knocked out 500 crunches, and got my mind set on being below 200 lbs by  October 31st.

Let the games recommence.

Older and Wiser

This past weekend I celebrated my 41st birthday. I made it a point to relax my diet and workouts a bit; we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner Saturday, and I enjoyed the leftovers for breakfast on Sunday. I also ate KFC for lunch on Sunday - mostly chicken breast, for what it's worth.

I did cardio both mornings, but skipped my evening workouts. I also consumed quite a few beers over the course of that stretch (6 of them were light beers at least), so I definitely made the most of of the occasion. Given the high calorie intake during this period, though, I put a halt to all of that at around 2:30 pm Sunday afternoon, and fasted until after my run and workout Monday morning.

The weekend signaled the end of the 4-week training phase that I'd been on, so I allowed my body a complete reset in order to begin a challenging new weightlifting regimen. So, getting fully back on the wagon, I had a really good morning run through the countryside yesterday, followed by ab work... Lots of walking activities throughout the day... And I closed things out with a great run on the treadmill, more ab work, and a new back and shoulder workout . I'm pretty sore this morning, so it was effective to say the least. But I'm feeling recharged and ready to continue the excellent progress that I experienced in July all throughout the month of August.

My last time weighing was the 27th, the day before my birthday, and I weighed 217. I don't think I put on too much water weight and bloat during my indulgences - still in the last belt loop of my pants, and I look the same in the mirror. I also purchased a new scale this weekend - one that can purportedly measure your body fat percentage and a host of other BMI-centric metrics. I haven't used it yet, and don't plan to until likely sometime around mid-August.

I still have every intention of getting down to 200 lbs by this Halloween. I feel that's a completely realistic goal, barring anything unforeseen. I'm not sure when I was last that lean - it's easily been at least 12-15 years. I stopped keeping track in my late 20's, after a car wreck derailed a stretch where I had good muscle mass and very low body fat; sure, I'd been stronger and more buff than that previously, but I don't know that I'd ever been that ripped before.

My plan of attack remains the same: 1) Meal plan, 2) listen to my body, and 3) crush each and every workout and activity like I've something to prove.  That approach has gotten me this far - I see absolutely no reason to switch it up now.

41 years young in 3 days!?!?!

Physically I'm feeling really good right now. As I continue to intuitively cycle my daily calories and macros, there are definitely some days where my energy level is higher than others, but it never drops low enough to prevent me from attacking my workouts and staying very active throughout the day... And it's really helped my metabolism stay primed to burn fat, which continues to be my primary focus.

I haven't been ramping up the weights on most of my lifts like I did earlier in the month, as this four week phase is near it's end and my routine's about be shaken up again. I'm focusing alot on the quality of each rep instead of how much poundage I'm tossing around, which will hopefully benefit me when I ask my body to do something completely different starting next week.

The temptation to get on the scale every morning is huge, but it just isn't a productive habit at this point in my journey as far as I'm concerned.

I do plan on doing a weight check the morning of my birthday (this Saturday), right upon waking. I anticipate that I'll allow myself one indulgent meal (within reason!) at some point that day too - I feel that I've earned as much, and don't plan on being too hard on myself over it 😁

The Blueprint Part 1

Lots of questions lately about the methods that I've employed to achieve the fat loss success that I've had over the past 5 months. Putting it all here to clarify my own thinking on it as much anything else.

In the coming days/weeks, I plan on assigning priorities to each, depending on the stage that a person is at in their journey (i.e. out of shape and just getting started on a major weight loss program vs. pretty fit and just trying to lose a few lbs.)

• Consistency
• Low carbs, but nothing crazy like some
• Little/no refined carbs (white bread, white sugar, white rice, etc.)
• A lot less meat
• Little/no processed foods
• Smallish portions
• Intermittent fasting (I usually eat all my meals in an 8 hour period each day, with my caloric cutoff usually at around 3 pm)
• Fasted cardio first thing each day on an empty stomach.
• Weight training each night.
• Drink only water
• Little/no caffeine

This is just my own personal set of rules - they may not necessarily be for everyone. But I can unequivocally say that I swear by the effect that following them have had on me.

More to come soon.

100 lbs in 147 days

This morning, the very moment that I rose to consciousness, I knew that today would be the day.

I stepped on the scales at 230 lbs; the low side of 230 actually, as a couple of the dozen times I weighed myself it read 229.

I'm still processing how I feel right now.

This has been a mile marker that I've been anxious about. At least part of my mind was willing to believe the lie that it would never happen, regardless of the discipline and effort that I'd put forth. Another part had the unrealistic expectation that it would arrive even sooner than it did, or that it would be accompanied by an even more profound physique transformation than what has actually occurred.

I've got the Deftones self-titled album playing in the background - this is my soul music - and I'm just trying to have clarity about everything; not just my journey, but literally everything in my life... Lots of very strong emotions flowing through me that I don't quite know what to do with.

I DO know that I'm going to go on a nice, long run soon, before it gets too hot out. When that's done I'll work abs, then hit a few yoga flows before I decide exactly how I'll break my fast and refuel.

I've wanted this for so long, but the road ahead on this weight loss journey is potentially much longer than what's behind; I feel like I need to take stock and sight see, but I know that I better not pause and revel in it too long lest I break my stride.

God bless it... I just don't even know, dude. I really don't.

Back, but never really gone.

I admit it - Instagram has become my go-to for posting about my progress.

I never meant it to be that way, but it's been great for communicating with like-minded folks who've either been through or are currently going through the same things that I am.

Weight is down to 233 (weighed Sunday because I just felt like it) - just 3 lbs away from 100 lbs lost since Feb 11th!

Workouts and eating have been going really good. I've had some vacation time to unwind and relax, but I've maintained steady weight loss during the duration of my efforts.

I bought a pull-up bar. I haven't really pushed it, but I was able to do one clean pull-up last night. Will be shooting for 8 dirty ones - when I work out my back and shoulders tonight.

Speaking of workouts - Phase 6 begins tonight. Would have stated last night but I spent over an hour putting together the pull-up bar.

I'm going to start posting here more frequently, and get back to developing this blog more. It's something I started when I began this, and I don't want to neglect it.

Day 102: Starting Over, or a New Beginning?

It's now been over one hundred days since I decided to reclaim my health and fitness through consistent dieting and exercise.

Over one hundred days of tracking everything that I eat and drink, every minute of exercise, every hour of sleep. I've made significant progress, and I feel better about myself than I have in a long time - better than I did at any point during last year's journey.

I've introduced a few more higher-calorie days to my nutrition plan in order to help my metabolism stay high. It's a tricky balance to get that right; I do my best to listen to my body my instincts - so far that formula seems to be working.

Last Friday I weighed 249 lbs; that's an 81 lb weight loss! I've decided that I won't weigh in again until June 11th, and that my target weight at that time will be 230 lbs. It's an aggressive plan to try and lose that much weight at this point, given how progress is bound to be that much harder now. Still, nothing venture, nothing gained; if nothing else, having that as a goal will push me to give my all into making it happen.

When I came up with the weightlifting regimen that I've been using throughout this process, I only plotted out 16 weeks worth of workouts. And, seeing as how I'm now in the midst of week 15, I find that I'm undecided as to how I'll proceed after next week.

The question is, do I just reset and start the whole thing all over, or do I blow the whole thing up and try something completely different? Considering that I'm already doing a new routine with each subsequent phase (4 week stretches), I would likely continue to make steady gains in musculature and strength by doing the former.

Doing something entirely different is intriguing, but I have concerns about moving away from circuit training due to the fact that it's super-efficient, and gives me an extra cardio and fat-burning boost - both of those are paramount to my fat-burning efforts.

I've become somewhat addicted to running as my primary means of cardio. I get in an average of 45 minutes a day, split between morning and nightly sessions. It really burns fat like nothing else, but it's definitely more stress on my body. The mobility training that I do helps (as does ibuprofen), but there are still days where I have to slow it down a bit to allow myself some extra recovery time. I'm also toying with the thought of regularly competing in 5k races. It would definitely provide some added motivation to reach my fitness goals; but truthfully, motivation hasn't really been an issue at this point.

Someone asked me the other day if I can ever see myself relaxing my diet and exercise efforts at some point after I reach my target weight. The answer to that is an emphatic 'no'. I know that this is how I should have been eating and training all along; had I never have gotten lazy all those years ago, I wouldn't even be in the predicament that I find myself in now!

The life changes that I've made feel sustainable; I'm eating a wide variety of delicious food, I have the energy to do just about anything that I wish to do, I still have ample time to spend with my loved ones, and I avidly pursue several hobbies in my 'me' time. Were my life out of balance, I might think differently; as it is, though, I can't imagine life without the pursuit of better health and fitness.

Even if I'm doing the exact same things 10 years from now that I am today, by my estimation I'd be happy, healthy, and perfectly content.

Day 90: 76 lbs in 90 days!

Progress! But much work left to do.

I'm pleased, but not satisfied. Proud of what I've accomplished, but very aware of the goals still remaining on that far off horizon.

I will likely begin doing more frequent weigh-ins. I just don't want to be a slave to the scale like in my previous efforts, which absolutely destroyed my belief and confidence. I'll have to figure that out.

Time for some fasted cardio before my work day begins.

Here's to the next 90 days... And whatever it may bring in the way of progression.

Day 88: 'To be someone better the next day than I was the day before'

If you're so inclined, find me on Instagram and Twitter! I've been making an effort to post daily on one or both of them; mostly about food and/or training, naturally 😄

Instagram

Twitter

This week I'll traverse a few important waypoints along the passage through my weight-loss journey.

Sunday marked my 4th routine change, per the muscle periodization program that I employ to maximize my conditioning efforts. I'm still exercising the same muscle groups on the same days, but with a totally different set of movements than at any time before. And, as was the case after the routine changes that I'd made in the previous training phases, my muscles were wholly unprepared, and I struggled mightily - precisely the types of results that I'm after!

Four week intervals definitely seems to be the sweet spot when it comes to shaking my routine up... Long enough to improve in the various lifts and exercises, but not so long as to allow my body to adapt to the workload - which diminishes the intensity of the workouts.

Two days from now is 'weigh day' - the first time that I will have weighed myself since the effort to reclaim my fitness recommenced. My starting weight was 330 lbs; I'm really not sure what my new weight will be.

The idea of stepping back on the scale brings with it a host of complicated emotions, all intertwined and almost indistinguishable from one another, save for an overall awareness of the gravity of the moment. Excitement, apprehension, anticipation, doubt, curiosity, worry - no one feeling really stands out from the others; there is no purity of thought, no singularity as it relates to what this might mean to me once it's done.

The words don't even begin to properly convey what I'm feeling - what I've been feeling for the last couple of weeks, for that matter - as this milestone draws ever closer. So, I won't waste any more energy on trying to make sense of it... I'll just experience it, and what will be will be.

Three days from now is the 8th Annual Trent Holt 5K in Pulaski, TN. I registered for this event back in mid-April, as a means to challenge myself to push towards my fitness goals in a way that I haven't done before. Paying the registration fee (even though it was only $20) was me making an external commitment -  not just me making a promise to myself, but something greater than that. It has pushed me to run harder, longer, and more frequently than I have at any point in the last 20 years; not even when I was in better shape did I run more than I do now!

For the most part my body has held up, which to be honest is a bit of a shock. I've always had occasional episodes of knee tendinitis and, after my extreme weight gain over the last 10 years, infrequent issues both with ankle soreness and with plantar fasciitis. While I've had very brief flareups of all of those maladies, they've been quite manageable - even more so than when they occurred in the past when I was very fit! It makes zero logical sense, but I suppose it has to do with the fact that my nutrition is the best that it's ever been, along with the fact that I incorporate lots of mobility training into my daily routine - something that I didn't really understand or see the importance of way back then.

Mentally, I'm in a strange place. Despite my diet being ultra-clean, despite strictly adhering to all the guidelines that I set for myself, I still find myself struggling with the weight of my own expectations. I'm having to remind myself constantly that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm encouraged by all of the the progress that I can see and feel. And yet still, there is something that I cannot quite find the center of, and it causes me mental and spiritual unrest. Whether it's a longing for that which hasn't yet arrived, or for something that was lost along the passages of time - I just don't know.

My savior has been the process - the grind, the consistency, the fresh set of challenges that I'm meeting head-on, every minute, every hour, every single day; for now, the process is keeping whatever that indescribable feeling is from bubbling over.

Suppression is better than nothing, I suppose... But I'm hoping that, as I continue along this journey, I may one day discover the cure.