Mind games

Been deep in my head the past 24 hours. Dealing with some external factors as well.

Remained on point with eating, activity, and exercise despite it all.

Things took a more positive turn towards the end of a day, which allowed some mental unwinding to occur, which in turn allowed for a pretty solid (at least by my standards) night of sleep.

Up alone in the house for the first few hours to start the day. It's raining outside, and its therapeutic in a way. Watching fitness YouTube again, as I seem to do so much lately... Looking for something, anything. But I've no clue what, precisely.

I need to meditate. And stretch.

Progress check 2

2 more down.

This is what the so-called experts say is the healthy amount to lose each week. But I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit disappointed.

It's progress, though... I'll take it.

I know a few tweaks to make.

Lets see how next week looks.

It was... A day.

Meant to write earlier. Almost forgot completely.

It's been a long day. Rewarding and fulfilling in some ways, frustrating and deflating in others.

Eating, movement, and workouts all on point. Weigh day in the morning. My body is sore from head to toe. Pushing through, but need some serious recovery, and soon.

I will figure it out. In the meantime, sleep.

Tired

An unexpected medical issue with a loved one threw last night in a spin cycle.

I didn't hit my step target yesterday as a result. I got close by the time midnight rolled in, and that was a struggle.

My target is double what my daily goal is set to on my fitness tracking apps. So I'm far from slacking, but its still annoying.

Sleep quality was a mixed bag. Felt it all day today. Dealt with some non work issues throughout the work day in addition to a high stress day at work.

Feeling the weight from so much right now.

Pushed through to get in my minimum goal for steps. Did a full mobility work session. Did my strength training, albeit a bit reduced intensity and duration.

Made an eclectic but incredibly nutrient dense supper that hit my calorie and macro targets, super high in fiber.

And now I'm crashing... Mentally shot. I need real sleep tonight. Really, really need it, in the worst way.

Stern test

I got just under an hour and a half of sleep last night, right before it was time to start my day. I had a lot on my mind. And, unfortunately for me, the timing of this impromptu bout of insomnia was utterly dreadful.

I will say, though - had I not been in the healthy groove that I've established over the last couple of weeks, I don't think I'd have been physically able to make it through it all.

Today was day 1 of a 3-day training course that I signed up for at work. It's something that's been a long time coming, as I've pursued this course for as long as I've been with this company. I wasn't going to miss it for anything, but more than that, I needed to be ready to take it all in and make the most of the opportunity.

I was present, attentive, and performed at the top of the class. I got some steps in throughout the day, did mobility work during breaks, and nailed my 1st meal and water intake.

At the end of the workbday I took a 2 hour nap, which I sorely needed. Afterwards I got up and made dinner for the fam, then spent almost two hours getting in more steps, more mobility work, and a solid lift.

I just had meal 2 - leftover roasted chicken, air fryer broccoli, a microwave baked sweet potatoes, half an apple, some cottage cheese, and a handful of nuts.

Gonna try and push my step count a bit higher when my food settles, then its off to shower and then hopefully to bed.

Today, I felt like saying 'screw it' and take the easy way out. Instead, I gutted it out and made progress towards both my professional and personal goals.

What a day.

Counting, counting

I am interested to see what the scale will say on Friday morning for a few reasons.

I have been 100% on my exercise and eating  - sticking precisely to what I planned out. But there's a hint of doubt that somehow I've miscalculated, and I need to make adjustments.

I don't know why I do this to myself.

Good day of eating. High activity throughout the day. Great weightlifting session tonight. Got plenty of water.

Zero reason to doubt, except these creeping thoughts that have come out of nowhere.

Slave to the scale. I hate feeling this way. Hopefully it is a fleeting mindset.

This ain't an overnight thing. I know this. Some weeks will feel unproductive if I only base success on that damn scale.

I know I'm putting the effort in. That has to be what I stay focused on - the grind itself, not the finish line.

'Off' day

No weights today, but increased my step count, had an hour long yoga session, and played some basketball outside.

Dinner entrée was baked halibut with herbs, lemon and capers, pan roasted broccoli with garlic and soy sauce, herbed couscous, and sautéed cremini mushrooms.

My 'supplimenta'l dish (to get me up to my target calories and daily macros) was some greek yogurt with fresh strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries, a drizzle of honey, and one spoon each of flax and chia seeds.

Feel like I ate too much, despite knowing full well that I'm still at a calorie deficit for the day. Maybe its because I wasn't eating post workout as per normal? Really not sure... It was probably the fiber, between the broccoli and those berries. Or maybe my actual stomach is shrinking a bit since I'm not overeating and stretching it out.

Looking forward to getting back to training tomorrow.

Full week of workouts

I did the full 6 day weight training cycle after all. 3 workouts on days 1-3, repeating the same 3 on days 4-6.

As cooked as my legs were after Wednesday, their recovery since was nothing short of miraculous. I attribute that mainly to the frequent activity all throughout the day; lots of steps and targeted mobility work.

My commitment to good nutrition likely also played a part, as did the volume of water I'm drinking in support of the aforementioned activities.

Regardless, I was able to go all-out with tonight's workout. It felt like a major accomplishment, given how unlikely going through with it seemed even just a day ago.

Afterwards, I had a nice, clean dinner of roasted chicken, green beans, basmatti rice, and some Greek yogurt with hemp and chia seeds.

I'll get some more steps and mobility work in before bedtime, as has been my routine. It all seems to be working in concert to keep me going hard and staying on point.

Planning for an active recovery day tomorrow... Then the weight training resumes on Monday.

Adapt, overcome

There were days where certain obstacles would throw me off to such a degree that I would either have a crappy workout, wouldn't work out at all, or stress eat my feelings away.

Today was NOT one of those days.

Blasted through that noise like a freakin' boss. Got my weight training in, and it was another stellar session. Increased my step count yet again. Ate super clean, proper portion sizes, and on time.

I am stronger than I was this time last month. I can feel it. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I may falter at some point, but I feel capable and commited to the task.

Not today, Satan... Not today.

Progress check

Debated on how much to share, but... Well, screw it.

Down 5 pounds in a week.

I don't go around feeling self conscious about my body, or my weight gain. I could give two shits about what 99.9999% of the people in the world think or say. But someone close to me has made several comments that don't sit right with me at all.

This isn't about appeasing them, or proving anything to anyone other than myself, or some vanity project.

But honestly, fuck other people's negativity and their need to let their bullshit spew onto those around them. Seriously - fuck that.

Breathe... Refocus.

Now, back at it.

Think this is the weekend I finally get my heavy and speed bags set up. I need to punch things really hard, and boxing is excellent cardio.

Pushing through

Didn't take today off after all. Had a great workout, in fact.

Eating was again on point. Satiated, no cravings. High energy for my workouts.

Mobility training is still going strong. Soreness from lifting presents an extra degree of difficulty, but the stretches should help with recovery (hopefully... I'm really sore).

If I remember to do it upon waking, I may weigh tomorrow. Trying not to become scale obsessed, but I feel having a revised baseline is important for the sake of accountability, and to see if I need to make a few tweaks.

I might be overdoing it on fitness YouTube. It is super informative but also kinds toxic.

Workout cycle #1 - done

3 consecutive days lifting weights. Average gym time is around 30 minutes. Good intensity. Pushing my muscles, lungs, and endurance in a good way.

I designed this program to repeat over the next three days, which would be six days on, one day off for the week. Seriously rethinking that decision, as I'm toast right now. Today was leg day, but I'm feeling it, from head to toe.

Might have to admit that I'm not a fit 20-something and take a day off from the weights tomorrow.

Eating is still on point. Finding portion control is easier (at least for now) when everything is sorted into two only meals. Did some food prep in the way of cooking a few pounds of chicken breast. Lots of fresh fruit and veggies. Calories are dialed in, but I may shift my macros around a bit. Will see how well my current setup works for recovery. Also will reintroduce suppliments soon, which will include finding a new multivitamin.

I'm just blabbing now. I need to sleep way more, but suspect it'll be difficult tonight - I'm THAT sore.

Small victories

I did the workout.

I will be sore tomorrow, probably... But that was a big mental hurdle to clear.

Been the most active day in a while overall. Lots of steps in. Got up from my desk more throughout the day vs. sitting for hours on end without standing. Got in some good stretches of mobility work, too.

Made a pretty fab dinner - ponzu marinated salmon with a soy drizzle, roasted potatoes, and a nice mixed green salad with a soy-ginger vinaigrette.

Got more steps and mobility work in after dinner.

Just a banner day. I needed to see myself doing this, to rekindle my self-belief.

I can sustain this. Just a matter of actually doing it.

Planning for success

He did not, in fact, tighten up a bit...

At least, he didn't right away...

I've had most of my success when I 1)planned meals ahead of time and 2) kept a bevy of prepared foods on hand. As of about a week ago I've gotten back to doing that religiously.

I've also gotten back to intermittent fasting (on most days), and getting my calorie and macro goals in via 2 meals daily (on most days).

I'm inspired right now. That is a step in the right direction. Now, to see how I feel about tonight's workout - first time back on the weights since I injured myself right after my last post.

Progress is Circular

I was inspired by a YouTuber (that has worked out less often than not) and switched up my resistance training plan for something more challenging, a bit more scientifically proven, and something that will hopefully keep me engaged for the next few months.

Only a couple of workouts in... Way too early to tell whether or not it's a good plan for me at this particular juncture, but I needed the change up. Had a bad day psychologically to end last week, and I've struggled with consistency as far as my daily activity and focus are concerned this week.

I have had ups, and downs. But I'm doing right 80-90% of the time, which is better than I've been doing for a long time now.

I'll take that bit of progress, thank you very much. Here's hoping that I can tighten up a bit over the next couple weeks and really get in a good groove.

Struggle Bus

Not sure if I should be staying this sore. Going to try upping my protein a bit to see if it helps with recovery.

3 consecutive days of 10k+ steps and over 60 minutes of activity. That is the bar now, the bare minimum.

Spreading it out over several sessions really is key at this point in my life.

Reckonings

Cravings. Extreme soreness. Self-doubt.

Yeah, it's all very familiar. All undeniably potent, enough to knock one off of one's path - if allowed to do so.

Not gonna lie - this is so much harder than it's ever been. Barely under way, and to be struggling like this?

Gonna learn some stuff about this version of me real quick.

Take # 47

Ok. Let's try this again.

This time with feeling.

Sponsored Program

100% being purposefully obtuse here... I'm undertaking a sponsored fitness program after completely losing motivation over the last several months of half-assed efforts.

Yesterday was day 1. Calorie watching, no snacking, lots of water. The food itself was a combination of nutritional supplements and whole foods. I wasn't really hungry at all.

Slept GREAT last night. Having an OK start to the day today.

I'm afraid of the scale, but I have to do it in order to benchmark everything. Also, the program requires pretty disciplined tracking, and I have an accountability coach.

Why something like this, given how much success I've had forging my own path in the past?

Because I've become incredibly  undisciplined at this point in my life, and I needed to do something before it's too late.

Sounds a bit dramatic, but 47 is on the horizon. The clock ain't tickin' backwards. It's time, or I'm gonna be out of time before I know it.

Sheesh

Trying again.

It has been a year of transition and change. Less publicly, more deliberately. It has been difficult to navigate at times, challenging me in ways that revealed aspects of my character that I hadn't contemplated in a long, long time.

I'm still learning about myself. That is equal parts wonderful and terrifying.

Here's to (re)learning to love and embrace the process.